Rage
What do you do with seething righteous anger?
That hopeless feeling of a moment that's just passed,
Filled with hard regret that lingers and taunts,
Oh! For the chance to vent and rage at long last...
The feeling that gathers when you read the news,
One more woman hurt or just yet another greedy soul.
To say the words you wish you could, or break a castle or two,
Like a slap well deserved and much needed on the whole..
To take back the respect you showed someone gone,
And reserve the right sleazy spot for their heartlessness,
When the sun rises and you still have that taste so bitter,
Of resolving and solving and cleaning up mess after mess...
Do you know how to make the world fall in place again?
To make the unexplained grief go away,
From when someone falls off a pedestal for you,
And however much you scrub, all you see is the stain..
For every fallen angel, for every promise unkept,
For every lie discovered, every truth unpleasant,
When forgiving is too hard, but forgetting is needed,
Hope dies, but, strive we must to keep trust in the present.
Irony, sarcasm, ranting feels too vapid and banal,
The fury inside just can't be stemmed,
Yet calm we must, the stormy waters,
And let peace drift in, slow but final.
The fall of a guardian
One day,
There will be no turtles.
That day,
We will look at the world
And say,
The world has become less wizened,
The wisdom of the sea has been lost,
The guardians of the oceans have fallen,
For no cause real, the grossest cost...
The corals are mourning,
The sea bed is writhing,
The whales are a-flutter,
Dolphins are seething.
Who are these toxic bipeds?
They ask, again and again
How dare they?
They demand, of the earth, in vain...
One day they will rise up
Glorious in ire, beautiful in wrath,
That day we will cower in shame,
Fearful of nature on the warpath...
And then, there won't be the wise old turtle
To gently sway,
To council and caution and tame
The pique of the ocean away...
A piece of me
Every day, as I wake up early in the morning,
As sleep withdraws, and the day beckons,
Tasks, thoughts and todos swarming,
There's one tiny still corner left behind,
Just for you, always on my mind.
When I discover an unexpected thing,
When I read a moving passage,
Find a surprise shoot or a pretty ring,
A silly joke, a crafty diy, or something else bright
I want to share and laugh with you in delight.
The chimes on the wind or a sudden prayer...
Pretty bird, epiphany or just a feeling
A glimpse of myself in the mirror,
A stray thought that's scary, blunt or brave,
Recounting it all to you is what I crave...
For most things, for me, are not real,
Unless I share 'em with you all cleared,
My best friend, my ship with even keel,
Balancer, sounding board, my scolder, my start,
There you are, mama, always forever in my heart..
True Sisters
She stood at the door
Undecided, hesitant, glancing,
Her bags in her hands, then back at the room.
New and fresh, yet old with spurned memories.
Should she or shouldn’t she?
The cost of her thoughts - her whole life ahead.
There was nobody around.
Now was her chance, to steal away like a thief.
She listened to the ticking clock,
Harrying her nerves with every second,
She dropped to the floor then, heaving with tears.
Knowing she couldn’t leave
She would never leave. She was trapped;
Her vision: A free deer caught by its own antlers
In a low tree branch –
Her traitorous snaring thoughts.
She loved him. How could she leave?
She hated him. How could she not?
A key turned in the door.
She sat there, waiting, tarrying.
The footsteps coming closer every second
Each a frozen instant of fear.
A dark shape crowded the door
Saying nothing – watching.
‘You wanted to leave?’ the final ironic question.
She mutely shook her head.
‘You would leave me?’ the accusing blaming voice.
She looked up at the taunting face
Hating herself for loving it.
‘You have changed. I don’t know why.
You scold, scream and yell. I only cry’
She thought but did not say
Fear crowding her mind once again.
He pulled her up, glared at her silent plea
‘You want to go? Why?’
She didn’t know what to say..
The doorbell - her saviour, clanged in urgency.
He left her there gaping, swallowing
Trying to breathe as the door opened.
‘Sis? What happened?’ she heard him ask
Between sobs not unlike those she’d shed before,
His sibling’s whisper – ‘I couldn’t stand it, anymore’
She said before he could ask.
‘He speaks harsh words. Does harsh things
I just needed to leave'
A burst of anger unleashed.
Envy for courage greater than hers.
The smirk of irony, through it all.
She listened quietly, standing behind him.
Watching him take it in – like a mirror.
Hearing her own thoughts – from another’s mouth.
Her own curved into a paradoxical arc.
‘Why do you smile? Do you find this funny?’
The other spoke, shocked at her callousness
And her brother’s silent frown.
Glancing at him, turning towards her,
She said slowly yet surely,
At last finding her voice,
‘It is now, we are truly sisters.’
Storm
The sky lit up.
I sit here watching the clouds fight.
I realise here and now,
That this will be my life.
Watching sparks fly
Watching myself cry
Watching drops fall
Irresistibly cold,
Dark but for candle light,
And the sudden angry flashes
Stark rage
One after another
Again and again
Over and over
Always bigger, louder.
Then sudden stillness.
The sky rages no more.
The storm is gone.
All but my mind is calm.
I sit here watching the clouds calm.
Of light there's none.
Just dark and darker.
The rain falls still.
The candle is out.
The wax is cool.
My hands are wet.
The world spins.
Its time.
I can no longer wait.
I must sleep.
The anger can wait.
It will be there.
Tomorrow.
Forever.
Distilled and pure.
Traitor
I pulled the rope taut,
And started the movement,
It was but … self-slaughter,
…An effort not to torment.
And in that final moment,
I saw my life behind,
All the different sins,
And every deed of kind.
To sleep a night in peace,
A wish …never to be true.
After what I’ve done, My Lord,
After my betrayal of You.
You said it in the scriptures,
Then blame me not for what I did.
You said I’d be traitor, Lord
Then hold me not responsible.
For months I mulled,
For weeks I culled,
My greed for gold,
Has now, me, sold.
I did not know,
The wrong I did,
Forgive me, Lord,
For all I did.
I can beg of You, no mercy,
Nor cry out to You
I’ve lost the right to curtsey,
Or bow like the others do.
When I think of death,
I feel no fear within.
Yet I feel the deepest fear of all,
Of living with my sin.
Forgive me, dear Teacher,
For what I am ‘bout to do.
Neither curse me nor love me,
For I am coming back to You.
And then You will throw me,
To the ever burning wells of fire,
And not think of me again
Except as a poor liar.
Forgive me, dear Teacher,
For all my strengthlessness,
For yielding to the silver,
And for that last fatal kiss.
Not a Care
Swinging in the breeze,
All around are trees,
Swaying, whispering, praying;
I can feel it in the air,
Its no longer there.
That feeling, that keening.
Its gone,
I no longer care...
Feeling good,
Feeling bare…
What do i do? Why do i care?
Silent Visitor
At night comes a guest unbidden,
To see me off to sleep,
Silent as dusk does he float in
By my side to safe me keep.
He bears a coat of gray,
With some yellow strewn around,
His dark dusty coat may,
Leave a colored trail on the ground.
I’ve no fear of his quiet ways,
Indeed, some nights I do not see,
As, in he enters, tired from day,
Wishing a good night’s sleep on me.
But sleep he doesn’t, not at night,
For when the sun goes down,
Then does he gain better sight,
Than when the sun’s around.
All day long he flits and hides
In shadow or dark enclave,
But when at night Full Moon shines,
Some light or lamp does he crave.
And so at night he comes to me,
A guest unbidden indeed,
I often wait till the Grey Moth comes,
For to sleep his silent song, I need.
The Old Pain
The rain shimmering falls,the lake is on a roll,the water laps the stones,waiting for the knoll.And then it rings-the bell,It sounds very queer,amidst the shattering rain,and oh the pain- so dear.It hurts like an old stab,in pain, and yet at ease,if I try to make it stop,it tends to increase...Then what do I do ?I let it stay still,not touching, not teasing,but pain - and pain, it will...
Under the Stars
from my other blog
“Hey…” His voice sounded coarse and harsh. “Hi”, she whispered. “So how are you, today?” he asked her, trying to sound cheerful. She giggled. “You sound like a shrink or something. My day was good, though not as good as it could have been.” “Physics is very similar to psychology.” “Really? How is that?”
“Both deal with forces not completely understood by man.” She was not surprised at his answer. It was a line she had heard before. “Hmmm… But why was your day not as good as it could have been?” “I didn’t meet all the people I wish I had met.” Her answer made his heart skip a beat. “Who did you want to meet, who you couldn’t meet?” “A friend.” She didn’t want to say it was him. She had thought about him the whole day. She was a bit surprised at herself. She fiddled with the wire in her hand, not knowing how he would react. “A friend? Hmmm… which friend?” She could not tell him! “Just someone I know from college.” He knew she was warding him off with a silly untruth. Should he be happy at her hesitation or angry at her doubt? “Oh ok. So other than not meeting this friend, your day was good?”
“Yes. It was a wonderful day, otherwise.” Hmph. Never mind the exaggeration. It had been a normal day. But didn’t he want to know which friend it was? Wasn’t he in the least bit curious? He didn’t seem very interested. Or he would have asked her. Suddenly she noticed the sudden sharp silence. “So how was your day?” Her mother would be shocked at her manners. She smiled at the thought of her mother. “My day was normal until just now. Now it’s become a great deal better.” “Oh. Why?” “Because you just smiled.” He was definitely not doubtful or hesitant, she thought as she blushed bright pink. “You look beautiful when you blush.” “I… Uhm… Oh… the sky is so beautiful. There are so many stars.” “Some of them are planets.” He was teasing her. “Oh. Yes. You know better, Mr. Scientist. Hey. There are two stars up there. They are so close to each other, you can’t make out the one from the other. They are like part of the same whole.” “Well, actually, they are quite far away. You see, the angle is the reason we see them almost touching. They lie in the same straight line from here. In fact, if you look closely, you can almost see the difference in their colours. One is bluish and the other reddish. It means one is moving away from the earth and the other towards it.” “Ah. That is even sweeter. They are so close yet so far away.” “Yes. It is a common pheno-” “Wait. Don’t think in terms of light years and galaxies. Just fill yourself with the wonders of the universe. Isn’t it wonderful that there are bright spots of light somewhere so far away that we couldn’t even begin to reach them, and yet they are there everyday without fail in almost the same place? ” “It is because th- Yes. It is wonderful. And it is wonderful that the same stars and the same sky are looking down on us and that is more wonderful to me than the most puzzling maths theorem.” “Yes. I can’t believe I am actually talking to you. It seems like its been so long.” “Yes. Like years and years. Almost a whole lifetime.”
The moon came out of the clouds, just then. It wasn’t a full moon, or even a half moon, it was a thin curved crescent. The light was just enough for her to make out his expression. “Come, lets go inside…” She guided him inside, and he let her guide him, in spite of his usual fierce independence and his cane. Sometimes it was ok to look through someone else’s eyes. Especially when he knew that both the sight and the someone-else, were singularly beautiful.
NIGHT BLIND
The moonlight I am never to see,
Nor of the moon to speak,
Why does darkness fall on me
As it falls upon the sea ?
Don’t you know ? Don’t you see ?
I see by day and not by night,
I must close my eyes by dark
And open them only in light.
People talk of beautiful sights,
Of the planet, of the stars,
I can never see them for myself,
Nor enjoy fireworks as they burst.
If I were blind, I wouldn’t know,
That blue is blue and yellow is yellow,
But blind I am only at night,
I can see well during daylight.
The bright shiny Venus, I don’t see,
Nor the red Mars do I know.
Haley’s comet will twice have passed,
Before I see the moon’s soft glow.
